NFL Sundays with SBJ: The Curse of Olivia Munn

Who does SBJ foresee as winners this week? Only one way to find out… keep on reading!

2015 SNF/MNF OVERALL RECORD

Public: 23-40 (1-5)

The House: 40-23 (5-1)

Sportsbook Jesus: 37-26 (2-4)

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SIDE

Public: 0-2 (7-14)

Vegas: 2-0 (14-7)

Sportsbook Jesus: 1-1 (14-7)

MONEYLINE 

Public: 0-2 (9-12)

Vegas: 2-0 (12-9)

Sportsbook Jesus: 0-2 (12-9)

TOTAL POINTS

Public: 1-1 (7-14)

Vegas: 1-1 (14-7)

Sportsbook Jesus: 1-1 (11-10)

(SBJ Glossary of Terms for picks)

So, I hear that the reason for the Packers two game slide is due to Aaron Rodgers better half, is that right?  I don’t think I could be more pissed off about a topic thus far this season.

I adore this couple together.  They are hilarious.  Have you checked out their Dubsmash catalog?  I was crying in hysterics with every one of them.  My favorite was the one where she’s singing Mariah Carey’s “Hero”, and he’s standing in the background all stoic with a towel draped over his shoulders like a cape.  He couldn’t be taking his roll more serious if he tried.  Then, in a flash, he rips off the towel, and starts an interpretive dance to the lyrics.  It’s the shear force with which he fires that thing off that floors me everytime.

I must have watched it two dozen times in a row, and not once could I get through that part without bursting out laughing.  I LOVE THEM!  And I take personal offense to anyone who questions that they aren’t a perfect fit for each other.

So, let’s review the so-called “Curse of Olivia Munn”, shall we?  They started dating in April of 2014, and the Packers first season with her at his side went as follows:

The team had a league best record of 12-4, which lead to their fourth consecutive division crown.

The Pack also went undefeated for the first time at Lambeau in SEVENTEEN YEARS!

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Well, why don’t you also think about the fact that they lead the league in scoring with 486 points, which was the second most in FRANCHISE HISTORY!

Oh, and finally, her bae was the league’s MV F-in’ P.

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Damn right you do.  Run your speculative trap again, and just pray I’m not in the vicinity.  SBJ’s got your back, guys.  Olivia and Aaron for life.  Get used to it, folks.

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BENGALS +4.5 @ CARDINALS -4.5

OVER/UNDER: 49

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Our first flex game, and what a great choice.  Two division leaders in a primetime showdown.  This should be a fun one to watch.

If Arizona wins they will be 3-0 in primetime this season.  If Cincinnati takes it, then they will own a 2-1 primetime mark. Normally, with the Bengals coming off a primetime no-show, I would play the contrarian angle, and take the Bengals to win straight up.  My only problem is that I think the SNF game is the primetime public side that hits this week.

It’s practically 50/50 on the SNF side with 52% on the Cards to cover the -4.5, but 63% is riding the Bengals moneyline.  I’m taking the people’s CARDINALS -4.5.  I just have a hunch that this is the one the people win.  Unless you can talk me into a Cincinnati cover, Dalton.  Any thoughts?

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What am I supposed to gather from that?  You’ve given us nothing.  You know what?  Forget I said anything.  Like talkin’ to a wall this guy.

CARDINALS -4.5 & UNDER 49

CLASSIFICATION: PFHC.  Probable PFC.  No audible.

————————————

BILLS +7(-115) @ PATRIOTS -7(-105)

OVER/UNDER: 48

IMG_9196It’s 2015, and Tom Brady is leading another undefeated team through the first ten weeks.  I’m starting to think he might be Bradley Cooper, in the film “Limitless”.  I’ve never seen it, but am aware of the concept of a pill that allows your brain’s comprehension level to go into full blown “A Beautiful Good Will Hunting Mind Mode”.

His quarterbacking IQ must be off the charts today, with the way his knowledge for the game has just been compounding, like interest, for the last 13 seasons.  You couldn’t have written a better script for him following the Deflategate debacle.  I couldn’t be happier for him.  That’s my main main man.  He’s just got it all at this point.  

Not to mention, he’s married to the hottest Patriots fan in the world.  I mean, let’s be honest here.  What exactly can the city of Buffalo be bringing to the table in that department, huh?  Is this even worthy of a debate?  What Bills fan is gonna have the nerve to step to that level of cheerleading beauty?

(Killer entrance music starts)

King: Who is it, J.R?!  One of Law’s Top Generals?!

J.R.: I don’t know!  It’s somebody’s music!  

A dog lover, no less?!  I can’t even get my wallet out fast enough.  Is it even necessary to be that attractive?  Plus, one of the best smiles ever?  It’s a bit much.  Total overkill…literally, as well…so we’re takin’ the under.  You’ll never find a hotter Bills fan, who ever lived.  Sorry, Tom.  You understand, right?  Well, you’re gonna have to in this case.  Holy moley.

It also should go without saying that Rex is like family to me.  His father brought such pride to Philadelphia, along with a Super Tecmo Bowl defense that was unmatched.  Jerome Brown was a sacking machine in that game.  All you’d have to do was dive at the snap, and you’d have one 90% of the time.  Super Tecmo Bowl is still my favorite video game of all time.

BILLS +225* & UNDER 48

*”That’s what I want to see tomorrow.  Do we understand what I wanna see tomorrow?  Let’s go eat a god damn snack.” – Buddy Jr.

CLASSIFICATION: HDC.  Most likely ending up a HDS.  I’m fine with either.  

JUMP SHIP AUDIBLE: If the public ends on the BILLS, and the people hit the SNF side, then our Primetime Combo Audible will have us switch to the PATRIOTS -7 House side, while we keep our UNDER 48, for a HFS.

If Vegas won the SNF side, then we stick with Buffalo regardless of whether the people like it, or not. 

Goodnight, and good luck.

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