The Law Dog has brought a new element to Wayniac Nation that I absolutely love. The comic relief of his Top Ten lists are second to none. After the overwhelming success of the Top 10 Reasons to Hate the Patriots and Top 5 Reasons it’s Hard to be a Philly Fan, he is now a permanent fixture. I hope you enjoy his latest!
Lists like this have been done before, many times. My goal was to create a list that mixed in the obvious choices along with some obscure selections that I think deserve some love.
I stuck to movie cameos only for a few reasons. This eliminates all those self righteous cameos on every Entourage episode ever. This rule did result in me not being able to include Dikembe Mutumbo’s performance in his Geico commercial which I absolutely love.
That’s not to say I love every Geico commercial considering the Peter Pan High School Reunion commercial is the worst commercial ever made that was shown over 1,000,000 times.
I also included professional wrestlers as athletes. Finally, I lean towards comedies because I like to laugh. Sorry Roy Jones, Jr…. You playing a ship captain in Matrix does not make the list. I’m not sure that role makes any list.
So without further ado, my Top Ten Athlete Cameos in Movies:
10. Bubba Smith (Hightower) – Police Academy Movies
To be honest, I was so young when I first saw this movie, I had no idea who Bubba Smith was other than as Hightower, the gentle giant who can mess you up real quick. Between ripping out cars seats and flipping cop cars, I felt he deserved to be on the list. RIP Bubba.
9. King Kong Bundy (Gorgo) – Moving
I really consider this movie to be an underrated Richard Pryor movie. Between Randy Quaid as the crazy neighbor and Dana Carvey’s multiple personality role of Brad Williams, I think this movie has a lot of laughs. King Kong Bundy plays Gorgo , an overall-wearing beast of a man who works for the Hummingbird Moving Company. While he doesn’t have many lines, I find his presence alone hilarious in addition to the name Gorgo. I also like to push the envelope on what constitutes an athlete (anyone who knows me would appreciate that).
8. Jim Kelly (Prison Football Player) – Necessary Roughness
The entire practice scrimmage scene is hilarious in this movie. I give Jim Kelly the nod for a few reasons. First, he plays the leader and middle linebacker on the convict team. Second, he actually pulls it off. I mean you have your pick of former football greats getting off that bus. Jerry Rice, Ben Davidson (if you saw him you would recognize him), Roger Craig, Randy White, Earl Campbell, Tony Dorsett, Herschel Walker, Evander Holyfield, and you pick Jim Kel…..wait what? Does anyone else feel that Evander Holyfield comes completely out of left field here? I also find it funny how all those guys are credited as ‘Convict Football Player’ but Kelly is listed as ‘Prison Football Player’. Interesting……. Anyway, the scene is great.
7. Mike Ditka (Himself) – Kicking and Screaming
I saw Mike Ditka speak once, and he was terrifying. I’ve never seen a speaker just yell at people for 45 minutes followed by a standing ovation (we were in Chicago, although I think every town in America would have stood and clapped out of fear of being berated). I got to meet him briefly and he was equally terrifying up close. The scene when Ferrell asks him to be his assistant coach for his kid’s soccer team cements Ditka on this list. “NOBODY IS SMOKING!” But mainly he makes this list because I’m too scared of him not to.
6. Brett Favre (Himself) – There’s Something About Mary
This cameo was great on so many levels. The fact that the previously mentioned ex-boyfriend turns out to be Brett Favre is awesome. But nothing beats Matt Dillon’s reaction to seeing him. “What the hell is Brett Favre doing here,” cracks me up every time. Brett’s retort “I’m in town to play the Dolphins you dumbass,” is equally funny. Plus, I never give Favre credit as one of the all-time great quarterbacks, so I felt the need to make up for it here.
5. O.J. Simpson (Nordberg) – Naked Gun
This is two posts in a row I mention OJ. Not sure what that means. What I do know is the most I’ve laughed in a theatre at one scene in my entire life is the scene where Nordberg gets shot 20 times, hits his head, burns his hand, gets wet paint on his coat (my personal favorite is his “oh no” reaction), smashes his hand, face plants into a cake, steps into a bear trap then falls off the boat into the water. Google it right now. I promise you will laugh very hard.
4. Mike Tyson (Himself)– The Hangover
His scenes are great. Air drumming to ‘In the Air Tonight’ cracks me up. It gives credence to the fact that not all the eggs are in Tyson’s basket if you know what I mean. The surprise element always plays a role in a great cameo and this one doesn’t disappoint. His face when watching Alan piss in the pool is priceless.
3. Hulk Hogan (Thunderlips) – Rocky III
Thunderlips is the man. First, he had hot chicks wearing bathing suits with him at all times. He also takes exhibitions for charity seriously which I find amusing. The best part is Thunderlips constantly reminding Rocky that the beating he is taking is fake because wrestling is fake. ‘It’s all fake meatball…it’s all fake!” I also picture Hogan getting the call that he will play Thunderlips and getting really excited about all the scantily clad beauties following him. You can’t deny that Hogan immediately set up his own casting couch at his house. Just seems like something Hogan would do.
2. Cam Neely (Seabass) – Dumb and Dumber
Did you really think that Seabass wasn’t going to make this list? “Kick his ass, Seabass,” is iconic on it’s own. Cam Neely is one of the toughest SOB’s to ever play hockey, and watching him as a bullying truck driver that enjoys sex in a mens’ bathroom is great comedy. If someone were to comment saying Cam belongs number one, I can’t deny the veracity of that statement. However, I stick to my number 1. (*Sidenote – I just assumed Seabass is a truck driver. To be honest I have no idea what he does for a living.)
1. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (Roger Murdock-as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar) – Airplane!
His credit for the role is freaking hilarious. Roger Murdock as Kareem Abdul –Jabbar seems backwards to me. Shouldn’t it be Kareem Abdul Jabbar as Roger Murdock? I don’t have a clue. What I do know is the kid calling out Murdock for being Kareem, then telling him how his dad thinks he’s lazy to the point where Kareem breaks character is one of the funniest scenes in a classic movie. My favorite part is right when he breaks character with the classic “THE HELL I DON’T” line. It’s not so much the line as much as it’s him looking around to see if anyone is listening that gets me. Kareem pretending to be a pilot makes me laugh so much. Not even a pilot…a co-pilot. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Love it.
Honorable mention – Wilt Chamberlain (Bombaata)- Conan the Destroyer. Just didn’t have the balls to include him, but I love him in this. I laugh at him the whole movie.